WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Expressing concern about the wife of the new Speaker of the House, Ginni Thomas said that Kelly Johnson “seems a little crazy” to her.
“I don’t know Kelly personally, so this is just based on what I’ve read,” Thomas said. “But I have to say—she comes off like kind of a crackpot.”
Noting that the operating agreement of Johnson’s counselling company, Onward Christian Counseling, appears to equate sex outside of marriage with bestiality, Thomas added, “I saw that and I was, like, ‘Whoa, Nelly! Looks like we’ve got a bit of a loony tune here.’ ”
Thomas said she became “even more alarmed” when she read that Johnson offers “temperament counseling” based on the teachings of the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates.
“Someone has to tell her to dial it back a smidge,” Thomas said. “When you’re married to one of the most powerful people in the government, you can’t go around sounding like you’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”
